NightMares
by Psychic Neko
Summary: How do you reach a frozen heart? Now that both Sakura and Syaoran are older, they reunite only to discover the differences that has grown between them throughtout the years. Sakura's motives are not what they seem to be, and Syaoran is desperately afraid
1. Burning Ice

Disclaimer – Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp!

* * *

Prologue: Burning Ice

Dark. Cold.

Icicles, dark, their colors depthless, pierced relentlessly, stabbed ferociously into her flesh. So black…she had not known, in all her years, that there were such a black as the knife that now reached her very heart. The blackness that consumed, that tortured. The blackness that would never truly allow her to be free, would never let her go.

It was dark, freezing cold. It burned into her flesh equipped with the searing powers of the fire she knew so well. But she was helpless, hopeless. She knew she had no other choice. He wanted her dead. So he can transform her into the dark, cold death. Death, in living flesh and bone. She was left to despair, with the faint reminder of her fire keeping her physical body sustained.

If only it was enough to keep her mind from going.

So dark, so cold…

The ground bent sharply away from her line of dim vision. It was curving away from her seated position. Sharply, it fell away. The walls crumpled around her, the impressive towers crashing toward each other. She couldn't move. The cold held her immobile, the dark kept her prisoner. She had no choice. She hated to cry, but it hurt, it scared her. But she had absolutely no chance. No one was coming to save her this time. She had nothing, her once-brilliant mind refused defiantly to think for her. The cold and dark still held her captive. The floor beneath her was already shattering into a million pieces. She was sobbing so hard; it hurt…

She wanted to scream. Scream for him to come save her. But he wasn't there. Wasn't there because she was disobedient. Wasn't there because he wanted to punish her. However, at this point, she cared no longer for pride. Let him break her. Let him do whatever he wanted, just as long as he saved her from this terror. She needed him. She needed him so badly it hurt, even worse than the shattered ice particles piercing her delicate skin. She needed him to save her. She would apologize, agree to whatever terms he had set, if only he'd help her. But she knew it was already too late. He had warned her. But she had not heeded, due to her pride. And so now she was paying for her disobedience. The two people she was dead sure that loved her, has betrayed her.

She was falling…

* * *

­­­

Her eyes flew open and she sat up with a gasp. 'Not again…' she groaned to herself. Always this dream, always. He had already explained what it was. Now _why_ can't it just leave her alone? But, nooooo, it had to haunt her for most of her life and probably the rest of it. She sat in the darkness of her room, clutching her head, fingers entangled in her silky auburn hair. Her shoulders were still slightly heaving from the panic she went through in the dream.

Hated this. She definitely hated all this. However, the aftereffects of the dream prevented her from feeding her anger. She was still cold…so cold. She wanted to burn, but she couldn't. It hurt her too much. She was trembling much too violently to do much else, she knew that for sure. 'God, fire, where are you when I need you!'

She desperately clutched her blankets around her shaking form.

It was no use. If anything, it was even colder.

She felt as if she was about to retch. Urg. Help…

'He's going to be so disappointed in me…'

'I'm so weak…'

She glanced at the time. Great. Just perfect. Time to get up, and she was still so exhausted. She balled her fists and quickly strikes her bedspread with a grunt of disgust. She was basically welcoming him to pick at her weakness. Carefully, she lifted herself up from her bed and walked barefoot to her balcony. Leaning on her elbows with her fingers placed delicately on her cheeks, she gazed out to the scene before her, residing in the precious moment of peace before the tedious hardships of day. Sigh.

It was such a magnificent morning.

She was so tired…

Arrg…

Her whole body must be numb…

Perhaps even dead…

Well, it certainly felt like it.

Well, she had gotten through it at least. Gotten through, however painful the experience was. All because of that damn dream…She would be forever dreading it. He had been rather disappointed in her today, so she didn't blame him for being caustically harsh. It was her fault, after all. He had been hoping that the dream would have no effect on her physical abilities. So far as she knew, he was researching day and night for the spell to banish the dream forever or the intensive training to teach her so she can counter the dream's repercussions. 'He said that it was my major weakness, the puncture in my perfect abilities.' She mused to herself. Her eyes narrowed. She glared at nothing in particular, her glazed, fiery eyes burning with hatred. A low growl issued from her throat. She had the sudden desire to burn something…

Unfortunately, it wouldn't have helped matters, and besides, being angry with oneself was not something she did very often, and usually ended much faster than it had started.

Self pity.

It could ensue such pickle situations.

Thankfully, she was back in the comfortable safety of her room. Taking a shower had certainly been worth its while. He had ordered her to, after suspecting that her nerves were about frayed and her body drained from the ordeals he had put her through. He said it as he would normally say things, but she knew how he was. He could be so sweet sometimes…

Then again, it was a wonder he can go from that to becoming the 'ice prince' of the entire universe. So cruel.

Oh well.

She quickly sprang into bed and curled up in the darkness beneath her thick, fluffy blankets. It was nice to have the dark engulf her once more. Not the dark like in her dream. This dark was her friend…it would be wonderful to just drift off…there was no way she could feel pain then…

'Hello…' A gentle voice nagged at the back of her mind. 'Ohhhh, noooo….' She sat up with a groan. 'You idiot! You forgot your books!' He would be furious if she let such a thing slip.

She sat up slowly and reluctantly pulled the books on her bedside to her chest. Sighing softly and exhaustedly, she opened the book and resumed her reading.

She was NOT looking forward to a night of studying…

* * *

Great. Perfect.

Another day has come…and passed.

She wasn't ready for it. Why? Don't ask. When she received the news, she had gone paper-white with rage. Understanding was not part of her assignment. She just has to do it. What with berating herself and cursing him, she had lost all sense of duty, of time. But now the anger was beginning to wear off. Well, she couldn't have kept it up forever. It had already been too long. All she felt now was a faint dizziness, a throb, still pounding like a hammer at her head. It hurt like hell, but sense was now coming back. Her pain will have to go unnoticed.

Only a faint cry of anger was stillborn, lingering in her heart. Hidden, waiting for just the right moment to come bursting forth, expelling and crushing, all the while swelling larger and larger…

Until it explodes through her heart, mad and uncontrolled, destroying and ravaging…

Killing.

She loved this anger. It would be the one thing that would give her strength…

How she needed this strength. The dream must go. She could ravage and kill by herself… but she needed this anger as backup before she lashes out. She suddenly chuckles a low, bitter, empty laugh that escaped her unexpectedly.

She found it hilarious that she was suddenly so organized that she had even planned her feelings. It was strange, certainly. But she will not have weakness. Not on any chance. This was what he had planned, though, wasn't it? She might as well go along. She was too angry and rebellious to even see straight, and still she thought of fighting. He would, undoubtfully, be proud of her in this.

At least this, if nothing else.

But it was ok. She knew he loved her. And that was all that mattered.

Guess she'll need this anger after all…

* * *

Locked.

Trapped.

Of course. What else could she have expected? It was stupid, foolish. And she was so much of the fool. She could kill herself for such a stupid mistake. How could she have been so blind? She walked slowly, thinking. It was boring, really, like most of the human race. Dear god. However, the only thing that truly angered her was her inability…no, it was most likely she had none… her dispensation to know what was really going on. Curse him. She was the one doing his dirty work after all; she had an absolute valid reason to know.

Flop.

She sighed, her face tilted resolutely to the starry sky above. Lying here daydreaming in the lush, green grass will do her no good. It'd probably even attract his hawk-like unwavering attention it she stayed too long. She was supposed to be studying.

Groan.

It wasn't that she didn't like studying; in fact, she adored the vast library of her home, spacious and domed, with all its puffy cushions and straight-backed, stiff chairs. She loved the smell of ancient books, revealing the text of a long forgotten language written in fancy and near perfect calligraphy, ready for her to decipher, along with their dusty interiors. The tall ladders, leaning casually against the bookshelves, and the bright goldenness that covered the entire premises. Along with the enormous, gaping hole, always filled cheerily with the vivacious burning of flames in the majestic fireplace.

It was just that …

Just that…

Today was just not her day.

Wow.

Lamest excuse she's ever come up with.

But seriously, there was something wrong. In the following weeks, she'd been unpredictably moody. Unable to focus on her work or training. Always distracted by something… something just beyond her reach.

However, she knew what it was. It was perfectly clear to her what it was. It was just that, deep in her heart, she didn't want to admit it. Didn't want to admit her weakness for a certain person she hadn't seen in… what was it? Twelve years. Does he even remember her? Who cares? He was only a means to an end. But he had been her best friend forever. He promised he wouldn't forget. And she was absolutely positive that he would be true to his word… note the sarcasm.

She clenched her head in her arms tightly. It has to stop; it was driving her mad! She was battling with her own thoughts, one contradicting with the next. It has to stop stop stop! She can't stand the tension anymore. She was going to meet him again, remember or no, in just a couple of days.

It was going to be torture.

It was going to be exhilarating.

Syaoran…

* * *

Psychic Neko:

Eeks! So sorry for the short chappie…I promise to make it longer! This is a Syaoran/Sakura fic, and although some of the characters are a little OOC, they are basically all involved in the fic. I know this one was a little weird, and you're all going, "What the heck?" at me. Hehe. You'll have to read to find out! This fic starts out a little dark…I was sorta angry today…don't worry, I'll lighten up soon. Currently, there are three "he"s in the plot right now…you'll find out later; I'm keeping it for the suspense!

I'm sorry I don't go for lemon or lime in this fic, and for those of you who like to read them, I _might _do one later on. Comments are appreciated. Reviews would be venerated. But this is my first fic, so be nice!

Please Review!


	2. Arrival of Darkness

Disclaimer – Card Captor Sakura belongs to Clamp!

* * *

_One: Arrival of Darkness_

Life is forever depressing. The never-ending cycle of bitter tears and the painful squeeze of a deadened heart without love. What is love? Most say that it is a feeling constantly overrated, and now….

I am inclined to agree heartily with them.

So painful.

So lost.

Lost lost lost…lost forever.

Gone.

* * *

It doesn't have to be this way.

'Why?'

I don't know.

'It hurts.'

It does.

'Why?'

I don't know.

'It's cold'

I happen to agree. Freezing.

'Why?'

I don't know.

'There is nothing in this world.'

No. Never. I know. Must you ask why?

'…Yes.'

Well, let me. Why?

'…I don't know.'

* * *

'Yes, exactly.' Bitter thoughts invaded her usually discreet and silent mind. 'Why?' This never happened. It was…different. These feelings were surprisingly foreign to her unforgivably practical mind.

But she was never one to ponder on such a mundane subject for long.

'I'm half used to it anyway…doesn't matter anymore…' Her mind automatically wiped itself blank as she trained her thoughts away. A thousand miles away…

To a certain castle in England…

To a certain person sitting on the throne…

To looking forward to the warm gush of blood just beyond her reach…

To kill.

* * *

You know how it is when the skies are clear with the occasional cloud, the trees swaying in tempo with the wind, the sakura blossoms swirling, flying, twining in your hair…that is what they call a 'beautiful spring day.' But in actuality, the phrase is meaningless, and absurdly hollow.

It's that feeling, you know?

That feeling of confusion.

Loneliness.

Bit lost…

That's the feeling that gets to you.

Her heart belonged somewhere. Try as she might, there was no way to force even her mind into denial. London. Her first home, second house. Or mansion, more like. She remembered the first time he brought her there. It was a dark night, showering sheets of rain and the wind almost blew her four-year-old lithe body away. But she fell in love with the interior at once.

It was brightly lit with a cheerful Nakuru waiting with cookies and hot chocolate, drying her off. The décor had an elegance only to be seen in the Victorian age. It was obviously quite an old house. An immense four stories, two libraries and numerous rooms. He, however, decorated her room personally. Completely modern, consisting only of the purest whites and silver metallic blacks.

She had gasped in delight in seeing it.

She never thought he would keep her locked in here.

* * *

Float away with the destructiveness of it all…just to fall, fall, fall…fall into the swirling, whirling, spinning abyss of darkness…to pitch down into a bottomless pit…to die…to finally reach the end only to discover…

That there is no end…

That there never will be an end…

That the darkness lives on…forever.

It came again.

* * *

Enough!

She's endured this long enough. It's time to go.

"Eriol! Eriol, let me out! NOW! ERIOL!"

The only response she received was a light chuckling on the other side of the intricately carved mahogany door. And a voice telling her, gently, to be patient.

Damn him.

* * *

He brushed back her hair, pushing it tenderly from her face and behind her ears. Then steered her toward the full-length mirror so she could view her own appearance.

"See, now that wasn't that bad, was it? And you're so beautiful now…"

She pouted.

He only laughed, and kissed her gently on the cheek, hugging her lightly.

"Come now, don't be a brat. If you don't like the clothes I picked out for you, ask Nakuru to pick out another one, though she'd probably go in for something overly cute…do you like that, Sakura? Hmm…I've always thought of you as my pretty little tomboy, but…"

"No! I'm fine. Thank you."

Again, the laughter.

She hated it when he laughed at her. He never took her seriously, treating her like his favorite doll. When she was finally let out of that accursed room, he had insisted on pampering her like a pet. A dog, or perhaps a cat. He also made her promise to behave and not go kill everyone in sight because of her anger. She threw a punch at him.

He beat her up within an inch of her life.

Damn that hurt.

But she should've known better. Training with Eriol always ended with her half-dead and he not even out of breath, his cobalt eyes cool and calculating behind those surprisingly clear glasses.

It always seemed as he knew everything. She wouldn't be surprised if he did.

But, despite everything, she knew that she'd miss him. He was her stronghold, the only one she could depend everything on and trust. The one who had brought her up and taught her everything she had wanted and needed to know and more.

The only one who loved her.

And now she was leaving him, for the very first time.

"Eriol…"

She turned abruptly and clung to him tightly. It's been a decade since she's wanted to cry, but the idea seemed so tempting now. She was angry before that he wouldn't let her go see Syaoran, but now that it's time to leave, she wasn't sure she was ready. He had, after all, sheltered her from the world for so many years…

"Shh…" He put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "There's nothing to be scared of, Saku-chan…everything will turn out alright. Besides, weren't you the one who wanted so desperately to see him? I'm giving you a chance today…don't screw it up." He suddenly turned serious and pushed her away slightly to look her dead in the eyes. "I want everything to be perfect. No mistakes. Remember what we've gone through. One mistake will reveal who you are and ultimately kill you. Get in, get the stone, and get out. Understand? Make sure you don't get killed, or worse, have your identity revealed."

"Yes, Eriol…you'll be watching, right?"

"Of course. After all, if you don't succeed, I'll have to kill you immediately."

She froze. He was serious? She thought that this was only a trial! He wouldn't really…would he? No. No, she was sure that he wouldn't. After all, he loved her. Still, she didn't want to make any mistakes. His punishment and displeasure was almost worse than death. She could still remember the day they decided to experiment with death…it was horrible and cold, just like her dreams…but he was there to guide her through.

His punishments hurt worse though. A LOT worse. Something she hoped she would not have to endure tonight.

He turned away, heading for the door. One hand on the doorknob, he hesitated and faced her.

"By the way, have a great time. I'm sure it'll be fun." Sadistic smirk turned on full blast.

Damn him.

* * *

So this was a high school.

How queer.

She stood in front of the intimidating edifice, watching quietly as the students emptied the courtyard she was standing on, listening to the school bell toll, once, twice, three times…She sniffed delicately. So much dirtiness…depression and anger, nervousness and anguish. But there were happiness here too…a strange form that she did not understand at first, but upon closer inspection, she realized it for what it was.

The joy of companionship…something she had little chance to experience.

But no matter. Now that she was here, she'll be sure to take full advantage of that.

She looked up as a hawk circled the bell tower. A sudden strong gust of wind picked up her hair and toyed with it absently, making her skirt swirl almost indecently. She straightened up brusquely, eyes hardening in her resolve, emeralds darkening to match the waves of the sea.

She took in a big breath.

Time to see Syaoran.

Time to get one step closer.

One step closer to England.

One step closer to her prey…

Once upon a time…

* * *

Psychic Neko:

GOMEN! I'm sooo sorry! I know it's been a looongg time….I just couldn't figure out what to write. And there isn't really anything happening in this chapter, you just find out who the first 'he' is from last chapter…ahah I'm a total Eriol fan…I don't support Eriol/Sakura of course, that would be just WEIRD…but I don't quite like the tomoyo or kaho pairing either…cause I luv them both so much…it'll be like betraying them! Lol. So yea…eriol's just kawaii!

And Saku-chan is going to see Syao-chan soon! those two are just too cute…

LinziiC: OMG THANKS SOOO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! Lol I was soo excited…it was my very first review! thanks so much. I haven't really told any of my friends that I was writing it…cause…iono personally I think my writing is really bad…--…but you give me confidence! THANKS SO MUCH!

Yea I know it's kinda confusing…it's supposed to be though. Partly it's because I like things to be mysterious and intriguing in the beginning…and partly because I have no idea what's really going to happen, but it's probably going to be very longg…a very very long fic……

ZiYu the Dragon: THANK YOU! Lol yea this is my first attempt…is it so obvious? Or did I say that somewhere…--…ahahh…I'm not quite sure how I should write these things, even though I've read so many of them…and though I'm writing ccs, I'm actually more of an inuyasha fan. Hehh…SESSHOUMARU/KAGOME RULES! Bwahh LOL.

Iono…do I express the characters too deeply? It's like, whenever I read manga, I always imagine how they would be feeling on the inside, not just what the book says. So basically when I reflect upon the manga, each time is slightly different depending on my mood…--…thanks again! It's really appreciated!


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